Swan Fungus (https://www.swanfungus.com/) is well-known for its top ten lists. This one includes ten notable deaths from the year 2008. It's harsh. To see what this list looked like before you all screwed it up, visit https://www.swanfungus.com/2008/12/the-top-ten-deaths-of-2008.html
Swan Fungus (https://www.swanfungus.com/) is well-known for its top ten lists. This one includes ten notable deaths from the year 2008. It's harsh. To see wha... more
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Created 04/11/09
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1
Heath Ledger - Heath Ledger died on January 22nd of this year. The supposed cause of death was “accidental drug overdose,” but I like to think he died of a condition known as “completely sucking at life.” Listen, nobody dies of accidental drug overdoses. People who are prescribed drugs and don’t know what they’re doing can die of an accidental drug overdose. Someone who either habitually or sporadically uses drugs, and then dies of an overdose, is not “accidental”. Brad Renfo died exactly one week before Heath Ledger. The cause of his death? Accidental heroin overdose. Of course, Renfro was arrested in 2005 for heroin possession, and went to jail in 2006 for a DUI, so can you really call his eventual overdose an accident? No, you can’t. Sure, it wasn’t his intention to die, but he fucked around with hard drugs and he did die. It’s his own stupid fault. Heath Ledger? Same thing. Gidget Gein died of a heroin overdose in October. He was a longtime junky. His death was no accident. My point? Heath Ledger was a dumbass who sucked as an actor and will be forever known as the Joker in a Batman movie that was voted “most ridiculous plot” of 2008. Wow, what an accolade. Heath Ledger sucked. Batman was overrated. Accidental drug overdoses are rarely accidental. “Why so serious?” More like, “Why so dead?” Answer me that one, dead boy.
2
Anastasia Blue - An American-born pornographic actress who acted in over 100 adult movies during her career. Anastasia was probably best known for her award winning performance in Whack Attack 6, for which she took home the much-coveted “Best Anal Sex Scene” award with co-star Lexington Steele at the 2000 AVN Awards. She died of an apparent drug overdose (read: she definitely died of a drug overdose) on July 19th, my father’s birthday. Funny, her stage name was Blue, and that’s probably just how somebody found her! Playboy Playmate of the Month (October ‘92) Tiffany Sloan also died this year. The cause of her death was not reported (read: she definitely died of a drug overdose). Bettie Page also died this year. She was 85, and she used to help guys masturbate in the 1950s.
3
(tie) Mort Garson / Donald Erb - Erb was a brilliant 20th century composer who became well known as an avant-garde electronic innovator in the ’60s and ’70s. One of my coworkers gifted me an Erb record for my birthday this year, and I instantly fell in love with it. He died in August. Mort Garson has been mentioned a lot on Swan Fungus, and I’ve shared with you both his Plantasia record and the Black Mass / Lucifer album. He was an immensely important figure in the electronic music scene, and one of the earliest Moog supporters. It would be impossible to gauge his influence on all forms of music that incorporate electronic elements, but I’ll just go ahead and say it is unfathomably massive.
4
Kuruppu Karunaratne - A Sri Lankan long-distance runner who specialized in marathons, he was killed by a suicide bomber in April who exploded himself at the start of a marathon race. It just goes to show you that no matter how hard you train, you cannot outrun your fate. Karunaratne is (non)-living proof.
5
David Foster Wallace - Author of Infinite Jest, hung himself a few months ago. I know the prospect of reading a 1,000 page postmodern epic seems daunting, but it’s pretty fucking awesome. It’s also great for fans of Futurama, Idiocracy, and all those dystopan works that poke fun at the future we’re hurtling towards. For a depressed guy, Wallace sure had a lot of humor in him. Dark humor, of course. The kind that most people who choose to hang themselves have in spades, I imagine.
6
Jessica Jacobs - The sultry blonde Australian and singer, who was best-known for her roles in children’s television series. She was a fine piece of ass for a 17 year old, and I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to blow her back out before she died. Oh, and speaking of her death, she fucking fell underneath a train! Can you believe that shit? She was walking on the platform, she tripped and fell on the tracks, and was killed instantly. She was carrying a fake ID at the time (so you know she was a slut and could take a load), so they couldn’t identify the body for several hours. Anyway, I’m sure she was really talented, like the Aussie version of Britney Spears’ younger sister, and it’s a terrible loss to the art world, blah blah blah blah. Her MySpace and Facebook profiles remain active. Check ‘em out.
7
Nathaniel Bar-Jonah - The only reason he’s on this list is because every single name surrounding him on the list of notable deaths from this year was, like, “American poet, director and architect,” and all this crazy shit. Then it randomly says “Nathaniel Bar-Jonah, kidnapper”. How fucking wild and amazing is that? He died while serving a 130-year prison sentence without parole in Montana. He was actually convicted of kidnaping, aggravated assault, and sexual assault of various children. But I’m sure they were all really sexy children, and they were all “asking for it.” He died, and the world is better off without him.
8
Charlie Booth - An Australian athlete who lived to 104 years of age, and is credited with inventing the starting block. Considering how often starting blocks are referenced metaphorically by people who are trying to get their life on track, pun intended! Anyway, he died of something or other. Probably old age. I don’t think it’s really possible to live to be 104 years old. I think once you hit 60 your brain is automatically shut down by forces deep inside the heart of the shadow government. This causes all old people to just start making numbers up as they go along. Yeah, 104? Some day I’m gonna be two-hundred-eleventy years old.
9
Wayne “Frosty Freeze” Frost - Also known as Freeze To Please, he was an old school hip hop bboy and member of The Rock Steady Crew. He was stricken with an “undisclosed illness” (can you say, AIDS!), went on life support in 2007, and died a year later on April 3rd. Frosty died and left behind a slew of questions, the most important of which is, “died he die from drug AIDS or gay AIDS?”
10
Ernest Gary Gygax - The inventor of Dungeons & Dragons died in March of an abdominal aortic aneurysm. I’ve never played D&D, but I can recognize its importance in nerd culture. I’ll always remember him for his cameo on Futurama when he greets Fry with, “Greetings it’s a… [rolls dice] …pleasure to meet you.” So hilarious. Anyway, he had a few heart attacks and then that thing killed him. I don’t know what it is, but it sounds painful. Another famous American gamer, Bobby Fischer, also died this year (January 17th), of kidney failure. I imagine that’s also a horrible way to die. The reminder that Fischer died this year turned my thoughts to the night I got drunk with that kid who was the inspiration for Searching For Bobby Fischer. Oh, and by “got drunk with that kid” I mean we were at the same birthday party, and I got really trashed and introduced myself to him before I turned into the asshole at the party no one wanted to talk to.
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