Hollywood is a vicious place: if you don’t have a pointed tongue and a wit to match that of Oscar Wilde, you might as well have ‘DUNCE’ tattooed on your forehead. Selecting the very best movie insults was an arduous task as there’s simply so many to consider. What makes a great movie insult? Swearing will bump you up a few notches but only if used correctly – profanity should be used sparingly and imaginatively. Personal jibes always go down well, particularly about one’s weight or mother. But what makes a really winning movie insult is whether it can be used by the everyman. Feel free to roll out any of the following twenty withering put-downs in everyday situations and wait for the kudos to roll in.
Hollywood is a vicious place: if you don’t have a pointed tongue and a wit to match that of Oscar Wilde, you might as well have ‘DUNCE’ tattooed on your fore... more
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Rank (best ever) 5
Score (all time) 4400.00
Created 02/22/08
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1
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
Not having a happy holidays, Clark reveals his Christmas wish would be to tell his boss the following tirade.
“You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”
We’ve all wanted to call our boss an asshole, but this is taking it to the next level.
2
Anchorman (2004)
Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
Ron and his female co-anchor Veronica Corningstone trade insults on the newsroom floor. Hers suck. His don’t.
“You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
“You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
3
Sexy Beast (2000)
Don Logan (Ben Kingsley)
Nutcase Don is in Spain to convince retired gangster Gal to return to the UK for one more job. Gal likes the Spanish sun too much.
“You're the problem! You're the fucking problem you fucking Dr. White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble!”
Such filth coming from the mouth of Gandhi? Genius!
4
Kiss Kiss, Bang, Bang (2005)
Gay Perry (Val Kilmer)
Dumbass criminal and part-time investigator Harry Lockheart throws Perry’s gun into a lake without realising it is important evidence.
“Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?”
Second-guesses Harry (and the audience) with its logical brilliance.
5
A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
Wanda Gershwitz (Jamie Lee Curtis)
Lust object Wanda puts it to Kevin Kline’s kidnapper Otto that he’s not as bright as he thinks he is.
"To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?"
It’s just one of many fine insults in a fantastically written movie.
6
Predator (1987)
Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
After a rumble in the jungle with his intergalactic enemy, Colonel Dutch finally comes face to face with the Predator and dashes his hopes for a snog.
“You’re one ugly motherfucker!”
No need for witty one-liners here: straight to the point and devastatingly brutal, even for an alien.
7
Get Carter (1971)
Jack Carter (Michael Caine)
Returning home to find his brother dead in mysterious circumstances, professional killer Jack re-introduces himself to the snivelling Eric.
“You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow.”
Try and stop thinking about it next time your girlfriend asks if you like her eyes.
8
Gone With The Wind (1939)
Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)
Having had all he can stand of Scarlett’s whinging and whimpering, Butler puts his bitch on ice.
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Back in the 1930’s, this was worth a million ‘motherfuckers’.
9
Monty Python And Then Holy Grail (1975)
Taunting French Guard (John Cleese)
Atop his castle, the French guard pours scorn on King Arthur and his “silly kerrniggits”, spitting down vitriol like acid rain.
“I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
It’s hard to argue with that sort of reasoning. And he is French.
10
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey)
Tubster Private Pyle dares break a smile while having his hair dryed by his furious drill sergeant. What followed were the most brutal, most heartless and most downright hilarious insults in movie history. It’s almost impossible to pick one amongst a tirade that lasts several minutes (“You look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose,” “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high,” “Looks to me like the best part of you ran down your momma’s crack and ended up a brown stain on the mattress,” and so on) but pick one we had to…
“Did your parents have any children that lived?”
Breathtaking in its brevity, it’s an insult so devastating, the recipient kills himself later in the picture.
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