1
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Billy Madison
2
If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Old Farm Lady
3
Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really. Stop looking at me, swan.
Billy Madison
4
Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Principal
5
Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.
Billy Madison
6
He called the shit "poop".
Billy Madison
7
Well I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would involve a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.
Billy Madison
8
T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!
Billy Madison
9
That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.
Bus Driver
10
Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap.
Principal
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